Have you heard the Wahe Guroo bird ?

In the beginning, it is a matter of finding out whether I am executing the meditation technically completely correctly. It is clearly described, but I encounter problems with concentrating on the tip of my nose for a long time with almost-closed eyes. Sometimes my hands tilt downwards too much and I wonder whether my spine is straight enough, whether I am not leaning too much backwards and whether I am applying the necklock sufficiently. I even make a checklist to evaluate after each meditation and it turns out that it is only suitable for dumping in the trash when I first use it. It takes a while before I can leave that obsession with “am I doing it right” behind me.

During meditation no. 14 I visualize, as it were out of nowhere, a completely finished image of a white horse, representing my positive, creative mind, and a black horse,  representing my negative, protective mind, pulling a carriage together. The carriage itself represents this life. On that horse-drawn cart, in the place of the driver, sits a golden horse, my neutral mind. My positive mind loves nothing more than to immerse itself in the meditation and analyze and draw conclusions. I get physical sensations such as trembling hands or upper body, and moments when it is impossible to utter a word. It is exactly what Patanjali describes in aphorism 1.31 I read some time later to my surprise. Another time it is if one sticks like a pin in the back of my head, or my forehead feels very heavy in the center, I get sensations of warmth, sometimes I have to laugh out loud and some sensations are difficult to put into words and completely unknown to me until then, which sometimes makes it too overwhelming. Then my negative mind wants to take over and rest, stop, give up, it’s enough for today. Then I really have to force myself to be able to continue. There have even been meditations that I had to temporarily interrupt. At other meditations long forgotten memories of childhood and youth suddenly pop up.

Around meditation no. 20 the golden horse comes out of hibernation and takes up its role. It says that the three horses should work together harmoniously and it wants to actively achieve this. When the white horse gets a bit bored again because the meditation is always the same and wonders how long this will last, then the golden horse whispers to continue walking calmly and patiently, it is not yet time to rest and drink. The white horse obeys better and better with each meditation and so does the black horse. In the comments that belong to the description of the meditation I read that “this meditation works with the neutral and buddhi parts of the mind. It sharpens the neutral mind.” This is exactly what I experience ! I better understand an earlier conversation with one of my teachers: “do not go too deeply into what comes up, do not try to understand everything intellectually, but surrender and observe how the old habits and traumas slowly resolve themselves.” How beautiful life can be.

From then on I experience more and more terms that you can read in Patanjali but that were until then theoretical concepts. I am mainly talking about the quieting of the mind and concentration. Aha, that is what is meant. Now that I experience it and experience it again, I also understand Patanjali better. A shift from “do I believe this” (being in my head) to “I experience it” (being in my spirit) occurs. Beginning to stand under instead of understand. In addition, the meditation feels more and more natural and it happens without any effort. Sometimes I think that the birds that hear my chanting see me also as a bird. I am endlessly repeating the same tune just like them. I hear them chirping: “this morning, have you heard the wahe guroo bird ?”

The idea rises to extend the duration. I add four extra steps of six minutes and a final step of seven minutes to my timer to reach a total of 62 minutes. After 31 minutes I hear a first subtle gong which means that the foundation has been laid. Now I have the choice to continue in smaller steps of 6 minutes. I don’t decide anything in advance, I wait in the moment itself whether I extend or not. When I extend, the restlessness of the initial phases sometimes returns. I usually feel little need to extend. It is good as it is, I wouldn’t know why I should extend, I have nothing to prove, certainly not to myself. I never reach 62 minutes and that is fine.

And so the days pass and there comes a period in which I find it harder to motivate myself. I notice that it really helps if I first do a few physical warm-up exercises or the Sat Kriya. Day 39 feels like a kind of summary. I meditate at Aeropuerto Adolfo Suarez. The universe communicates that it is good to embrace the joy of the little child in me again and that I will be protected to achieve my goals. During the following days I experience very bizarre dreams at night. I continue until day 53, almost unconsciously, almost without effort, half an hour of pure concentration, it has become a normal part of a normal day, a part that gives me energy and inspiration. Which does not mean that it is routine. In meditation no. 50 for example I experience that a piece of negative energy, that has been in me for a very long time, is leaving me with the necessary means and bells. I am definitely rid of it. And that feels great. Byebye.

Each meditation is thus like a small journey. Just as every sunset is different, even from the same location, so too is every meditation. Even the very last one brings a new insight. I continue to be amazed. Is there really no limit to the learning process ? Is that perhaps what is meant by infinite consciousness ? There are also regularly external surprises such as a white cow that curiously yet somewhat timidly passes in my view, the neighbour who suddenly turns on the music very loudly, an attack by a horde of flies, a heated argument between a couple, the discovery that there are patterns to be found in the chirping of crickets. Nothing can disturb me, Ved Namdeep, he continues meditating…